Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Frying Pans

Yesterday afternoon started as a pretty typical afternoon. The boys and I were in the backyard playing (sans clothes for the boys of course) and I could tell that they were getting ready for an afternoon nap, my favorite time of day. I was pushing Davis in the swing and the combination of the warm sun, the motion of the swing and the lulling screams of his brother pushed him into a deep slumber. I was ecstatic as that meant only one child would be using me as a human pacifier to go down for a nap. I carefully take Davis out of the swing and go to move him inside. This is when things started to get dicey...

He woke up. And was pissed. I mean PISSED. I'm trying to get him back to sleep (so much for not being a human pacifier) when it dawned on me that I, in fact, have two sixteen month olds and the second was still outside being "supervised" by a three year old. Set down Davis, SCREAMING, run outside, bring Jack and Carson inside covered from head to toe in mud (naturally). I quickly removed Jack's diaper as it was flogged with mud and hose water and wiped off as much mud as I could. In the meantime, Davis is still screaming as though he lost a limb. I sit back down on the couch, put Davis back on the boob, turn on a movie, and pray that they all sit down and shut their little mouths. Right as I get Davis calmed down, I realize I didn't put a diaper back on Jack. No biggie. He could use a little airing out anyways and my kids are very regular 9AM to 10AM poopers. Two seconds later, Jack pees on the carpet. Okay, still not a big deal. I would much rather clean up pee on the carpet than deal with a inconsolable Davis if I were to unlatch him and go deal with Jack. Two minutes later, Jack pees again. You'd think I'd catch on by now. This time, he knew it was happening and played a little with that trickling waterfall. Okay, gross, but still not the end of the world. (If you only have girls, you are TOTALLY judging me right now.) At this point, Davis has closed his eyes and is in the "just letting him gel up" before putting him in bed stage. Two seconds later, Carson starts screaming. "MOM!!! He has poop coming out!!!" Of course he does. And here lies the dilemma when you have multiple young children. Do you put the almost sleeping baby down, risking a wake up, to deal with the other? Or do you pretend you don't hear your son who is screaming three feet away from you because you can't fathom the thought of waking the monster you just got to sleep? As I'm contemplating this dilemma, Carson starts to FREAK about the little pile of poop between his bother's legs. I'm trying to calmly and quietly tell Jack to NOT move. Of course he doesn't listen, steps in the poop and starts walking across the living room. Freaking awesome. I had no choice but to put Davis down (he woke up) and try to catch the poop foot before he made it to the next room. Now, I'm chasing a poop covered child who thinks we're playing chase, Davis is on the couch screaming, and Carson is going into full blown panic mode because there's poop on the floor. The next thing that happened came completely out of nowhere. It made me realize that I will never, EVER, understand little boys. It's all happened so quickly but I caught Jack, turn around to bring him back into the living room just as I hear Carson say, "It's SO GROSS MOM! I'm going to {WHACK!!!!} smash it!!" And just like that, he had grabbed a frying pan from his kitchen and whacked the pile of crap multiple times as if he was trying to kill a spider. What. The. Hell. What was going on in his little mind that made him think that would help this situation? What made him think that WHACKING a pile of poop on the carpet with a mother loving frying pan was the best choice? I don't get it. Add it to the list of things I just don't understand about boys, or men in general really. The good news? I GET TO clean my carpets today. Oh, that's not good news? Okay, then the good news is that all three boys are still alive. Go, me! Cheers, my friends, to a day free of poop on the carpet.

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Confessions of a Borderline Insane Stay at Home Mom

Guys, I think I'm borderline insane. I'll lace this coming list with photos of the kids to distract you from my insane statements....

1. I went to bed at midnight last night. Not because I was up all night with friends, drinking wine and discussing our oh so glamorous lives. I was up until midnight because that was 3 WHOLE HOURS by myself. And what did I do? Print grocery coupons and make a grocery list.

2. I went to bed at midnight only to be woken up 8 times between then and 6am when the first hellion rose for the day. Davis has become a professional comfort nurser and my husband has become a professional at sleeping through a screaming child. Lucky, lucky man.

3. Why, oh why do kids ALWAYS poop at the most inopportune times? I swear to you, Carson has to poop every. single. time. we go grocery shopping. I can only bring my three children and my full cart of groceries into the bathroom so many times before they suspect I'm smuggling cheese sticks and downing gallons of milk. I have to build an extra 15 minutes into every grocery trip just for Carson's shit session. This can't be normal.

4. Today I have taken Davis off the kitchen table, play set, Carson's bed, the outside table and the computer desk. In the last two days, he has learned to turn on the hose and flush the toilet. The dog runs away when he sees him coming.

5. Jack has mastered the skill of hoarding food in his cheeks for an unnatural amount of time. Today was super special as he hoarded a blackberry from lunch which he proceeded to spit onto the carpet and smash up all I Love Lucy style. {you know, the one where she smashes the grapes?? please tell me I'm not making this up.}

6. Carson has told me that he's hungry no less than 150 times. I've lost track of what he has eaten but I can tell you that in the 5 hours since we picked up our produce basket, the kids have eaten a container of blueberries, a container of strawberries, a container of blackberries and half a bag of grapes. Hence the constant shitting...

7. My house is a mess. And when I say "a mess" I mean a disaster. I spent three hours organizing toys last week. Which is stupid because, as it turns out, I still have kids. Every room of our house has toys on the floor. And food on the floor. And dirty laundry on the floor. I'm sending myself into an anxiety attack as I write this. Must. Hire. Housekeeper. (In my next life, when we are independently wealthy.)

8. I'm throwing a bridal shower for my sister which is the perfect excuse to feed my crafting and fabric addiction. I was buying fabric the other day and a sweet old lady asked me what I was making. I said it was for decorations at a party and she asked if I sew. Umm, no. Is that what people usually buy fabric for? I just buy ungodly amounts of fabric to use once and then fold nicely into a clear tote to look at. I once took a sewing class. I made the most bad ass cocktail napkin {singular} you've ever seen.

9. With the help of a sweet friend, I took the boys to the pool yesterday. Because I like to see how high my blood pressure and anxiety level can get.

10. I don't really have anything else to say but there's no way I could stop a list at 9.

He's judging me for not stopping at 9...

As a friend always tells me, we're "in the weeds" right now. These boys. Good. Lord. If Davis signs "more milk" while beating on my chest and yelling "THAT, THAT, THAT!" one more time... Well, I'll probably just let him nurse. Because then I get to sit down. Pray for us. Or send booze. Or coffee.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Perfection in Pork Green Chili

We need to start this post with a lot of lies pretending.

1. Let's pretend that it hasn't been almost 2 months since I last posted.
2. Let's pretend that in those two months, I actually posted multiple times. Most specifically, let's pretend I did a SUPER sweet post for each of my sweet boys that celebrated a birthday in that time period. Let's pretend that I went ON and ON about how my life has changed for the best, what a blessing they have all been, and highlighted all of their quirky personalities and milestones met.
3. Let's pretend that today, when my dear hubby got snowed out after being gone for almost three weeks, we spent the day catching up on all aspects of our life that have been put on the back burner during planting. We'll pretend we did 10 loads of laundry, deep cleaned the carpets, washed all the sheets and scrubbed the putrid smell of pee out of our bathroom. Pretend to be impressed.

It's a cold and snowy day here in Eastern Colorado. A sign that Spring is in full swing. I got sunburned in the 75 degree weather we were blessed with a mere 12 hours ago. After 10 years in Colorado, I'm finally starting to get used to the fact that Mother Nature needs some mood stabilizers in April and May. Today, I eagerly welcomed the snow as I knew it meant the fields would be too wet to plant and my better half would be able to come home and ride out the storm. And since I'm being so honest today, I'll just say that while I was super excited to see my husband, I was even more excited to pawn our children off on him and not let them touch me, speak to me, or look at me for the entire day (except that whole nursing thing...) I barricaded myself in the kitchen starting at 7 this morning and am still residing there as I type. I've decided that baking and cooking is way cheaper than therapy. I was in heaven today.

Yesterday, I was SO EXCITED to see Anaheim chiles in our produce from Bountiful Baskets. With the blustery weather upon us, I started scanning Pinterest for recipes for traditional Colorado Pork Green Chili. If you know me well, you know that I use recipes more as an ingredient list. I like to see what generally goes in a recipe then make it up as I go. Today, I even impressed myself. Now, I'll admit that this recipe is not at ALL "baby on hip" approved. There is no way I could have made this with help from my favorite sous chefs. But for a day like today it was perfection.

I started by tossing olive oil on the tomatoes, chiles, and garlic and roasted them in the oven. My house smelled like a Mexican restaurant during this step rather than its recent smell of frat house.

While those rested (I first tried to peel the skin off while they were hot... Turns out I don't have hands of steel like I thought), I browned some chopped up pork in a few tablespoons of bacon grease. Because everything gets astronomically better when cooked in bacon grease.

Once the chiles and tomatoes cooled to a temperature less than the temperature of the surface of the sun, I gently peeled the skin off of them. Feel free to do this on your toddler's place mat if all your cutting boards are dirty and you are too lazy to clean them.

Chop those suckers up. Rough chop. I don't mind seeds so I left them in. Anaheims aren't spicy so don't worry about that.

Throw them into the pot of bacon greased pork. I'm a garlic fiend so I added about 8 more cloves of garlic at this point along with cumin, coriander and chili powder. Stir it all together then put your face really close to the pot and soak up all the delicious flavors as they marry together.

Time to spice things up. Two finely chopped Serrano peppers join the party. Seeds and all. I think this made the perfect amount of spice. I like to taste it but I don't like to have to wipe my dripping nose after every bite. If you like to test the limits, toss in a few more.

Wait patiently while all of these flavors incorporate. Repeat the face in the pot routine if necessary.

If your sister is getting married in 5 months and you need to loose about 500 pounds by then, you can use this time to snack on fresh veggies. Like purple carrots. Because who doesn't feel healthy when eating purple carrots?

Chicken broth now joins the party. If you are super stellar chef, you'll have your own chicken stock you can use. If you have a phobia of chicken on the bone and gag when making your own chicken stock (uh, not that I know anyone like that...) you can use canned. {gasp!}

A mere three hours later, you'll have the most fabulous green chili. During that cooking time, you can clean, play with your kids, meal plan, or you can make zucchini bread and chocolate chip cookies. You get two guesses on which I did. And the first guess doesn't count.

Some like to use green chili to smother burritos. I prefer to eat it like a soup, dipping deliciously fluffy tortillas in it along the way. My absolute favorite tortillas ever are the Safeway brand flour soft taco size tortillas. I swear to you, they'll change your life.

Colorado Pork Green Chili
2 lbs pork, chopped into 1" pieces (I used pork loin because that's what I had but you can use anything)
8-10 Anaheim chiles
5 large tomatoes
1 bulb of garlic (We debated if you call it a bulb or head of garlic. Whatever you call it, you need the whole damn thing.)
Olive oil for drizzling
3 T bacon grease
2 T cumin
2 T ground coriander
1 T chile powder
1-4 Serrano peppers (depends how brave you are!)
5 cups chicken stock
6 T cornstarch dissolved in 1/2 cup water
Tortillas, avocado and lime for topping (or sour cream and cheese if you're not sausaging {not a word} yourself into a bridesmaid dress in a few short months)

Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Toss whole chiles, tomatoes and about 8 cloves of garlic with olive oil and roast on a sheet pan for about 30 minutes. Turn a few times to get charring on all sides. While roasted goodies cool, heat bacon grease in a heavy pot. Toss in chopped pork and cook until browned. While the pork is browning, gently peel the skin off the tomatoes and chiles. The cooler they are, the easier this will be. Once skinned, roughly chop the chiles, tomatoes and roasted garlic and place in the pot with the pork. Chop the rest of the bulb of garlic and put it in the pot as well. Add the spices and chopped Serrano pepper and stir to combine. Allow this to cook together on medium high for about 10 minutes. Add the chicken stock, bring to a boil then reduce to a simmer. Cover and simmer for 1-4 hours. The longer it simmers, the more tender the pork will be come. Stir occasionally if you can't help yourself...

About 30 minutes before serving, mix your cornstarch and water and add to the pot. If you prefer a thinner soup, you can skip this step. If you're using it for smothering burritos, you may need more corn starch. Allow it to simmer about 30 more minutes until desired thickness is reached. Serve with warm tortillas, avocado, sour cream, limes, or cheese. Plan to eat at least 2 bowls and 10 tortillas... Then wonder why your clothes don't fit.

It wouldn't be a She's So Martha post if I didn't add some pictures of my dearest little ones.

Why are they so angelic? And big? And thank God they got those darling sweet red cheeks like their Daddy.

Cheers until next time, my friends... (because everyone knows it may be another two months until I get to sit at the computer for one whole uninterrupted partially interrupted hour).

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Snacky Snacky

Snowflakes trickle down for the second time this week leaving me zero motivation to leave the house. The babies are snuggled up for their morning nap and Carson is burritoed up in a blankie enjoying a movie on the couch. The dishwasher and washing machine are rumbling away and the cup of coffee sitting next to me is spreading sweet scents of vanilla through the kitchen. Ahhh.... Bliss. I guarantee this blissful state will end all too quickly, but for now I am soaking it up.

The last few weeks have not been so blissful. A comedy of errors led to some serious inconveniences for us. Andy and I both lost our wallets which sent us into an involuntary seriously strict budget. It's amazing how crafty you get in the kitchen when you've needed to grocery shop for a week but have no means of paying for said trip! The babies are still teething and waking one bazillion times at night. Davis is so close to walking that I have a mini heart attack about 75 times a day as he tumbles to the ground. He doesn't even cry anymore- tuck and roll baby, tuck and roll. 

It's been awhile since I shared a poop story. This is one for the books. The other day, Carson pooped in the toilet. He has recently started wiping himself (with about a 5% success rate) so I try to give him his privacy in the bathroom. Later that day, I noticed the toilet scrubber (what the hell is that thing really called?!) in the trash can. I didn't think anything of it, assuming it got put there on accident. The next day, it's mysteriously quiet all through the house. This is a catch 22 for me. Do I go check and risk them playing happily then seeing me and wanting me to pick them up? Or do I pretend that I don't have three boys under three and assume that they're quietly reading books together while sipping on tea? I went with the first assumption and went and checked on them. Carson was happily playing in his room and didn't notice me as I tip toed by to find the babies. They were in the bathroom. Davis had found the toilet scrubber in the trash can and I suddenly realized WHY it had been put in the trash can. As I piece together this horribly smelly situation in my head, here is what I come up with...
1. Carson poops. 
2. Carson uses too much toilet paper. The toilet won't flush. 
3. Carson uses the toilet scrubber to try to jam his poop down the toilet. 
4. Carson covers the scrubber in poop, fears for his life and throws it away. 
5. Mom doesn't think such a thing would happen because she isn't a boy and would never fathom such an event. 
6. Davis and Jack enter the bathroom and go for their favorite "empty the bathroom trash" activity. 
7. Davis finds the poop covered scrubber. Thinks it resembles a paint brush. 
8. Davis paints the toilet, bath tub, himself AND his brother in shit. 
9. Mom notices it's quiet and comes to find them. Mom wishes she never had kids. 

My bathroom still smells extremely foul. I've cloroxed the shit (literally) out of it and it still smells in my opinion. Needless to say, Carson has lost wiping privileges. Forever. 

So... how do you transition from a poop covered bathroom to delicious home baked snacks? You don't? Well, I do. 

During the poop scandal of 2014, I was happily in the kitchen making some delicious homemade snacks. Like I said, I had to get real crafty when we had to cancel our entire financial existence for about a week. I've gotten to a new level of crazy. This week, we (you know, me and my SUPER helpful sous chefs) made graham crackers, cheese crackers, freezer waffles and peanut butter protein balls. Good Lord. I will never buy boxed of any of those items again. I'm becoming that mom. And my thighs are living proof. I promised my husband that I won't get to the point that I'm milling my own flour... But as a product of a dry land wheat farm, I think he would secretly love if I did. 

Okay, really. Home made cheese its are the way to go. Perfectly salty, cheesy delciousness. 
I used this recipe. I recommend eating them on the couch on a snowy day. Pants optional, of course. 

Heart shaped graham crackers. Swoon... Best served with an ice cold glass of milk. Pants encouraged.

Honey Cinnamon Graham Crackers

2 c whole wheat flour
1/2 c all purpose flour
1/4 c sugar (a little less)
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt
1 egg
1/2 c butter, melted
1 tsp cinnamon
3 T honey
3 T milk

Preheat oven to 350 and line baking sheets with parchment or silpat mats. Mix flours, sugar, baking soda, cinnamon and salt. In a separate bowl, mix egg, butter, honey and milk. Add to the dry ingredients. Turn on out a lightly floured surface and roll to about 1/4" thick. Cut as desired (I used a heart shaped cookie cutter obviously but you can just cut squares too). Transfer to prepared baking sheets and bake for about 10-14 minutes based on the size of your cracker. I did 12 minutes for mine and they were perfectly browned. Store in an air tight container. I have no idea how long they last as they were gobbled up in 2 days at my house... 

I am currently cursing myself because I can't find the recipe for the peanut butter protein balls and I didn't pin it!! Lesson learned, always pin. They're a delectable combination of chopped dates, walnuts, almonds, oats, peanut butter, pure maple syrup and mini chocolate chips. To die for but totally not photographic. They'll remind you too much of my story above if I post a picture... 

I am amazed at the fact that the babies have slept through this entire post. That has never happened... And since I said that, cue this non sleeping but incredibly cute face... 

Though not the quiet bliss I experienced a little earlier, these boys do bring me an incredible amount of gray hair  joy. 

Monday, January 27, 2014

Dear Kaitlin,

An open letter to my younger self...

Dear Kaitlin, (I was Kaitlin until about the 4th grade when I though Kaity was much cooler and my parents apparently wanted no one to spell my name right for the rest of my life) 

It's me, your older and wiser self. I have a few things that I must clarify with you. If you were smart, you would get out your color coded gel pens and jot down these words of advice from the future. 

1. Stop honking the horn in the car while waiting for your mom to come out. I know right now it seems SO annoying that she's taking so long inside after getting you settled in the car. I know she said she forgot something and had to run back in real quick... 5 minutes ago. I know you can't possibly fathom WHAT on earth she could be doing in there. Here's what most likely is happening: 

She truly did forget something in the house. For this example, we'll use her coffee. She runs in to grab her coffee, it spills a little. She grabs a rag to wipe it up then throws it on the laundry pile. The laundry pile reminds her to switch the laundry- real quick! She puts the next load in too, while she's there. The leaning down reminds her she has to pee. She pees. Alone. Peeing reminds her that she drinks too much coffee and should drink more water. So she grabs a water bottle, her coffee, (let's not get too crazy) a snack for you (you're welcome), a snack for your siblings, lets the dog out one last time, and runs out the door. See how productive she is?! So stop honking, you little twerp. 

2. Yes, your mom is going to attend every single field trip, volunteer for every fundraiser and be intimately involved in every second of your life. Embrace it. It will be years until you come to appreciate it but believe me, you will. You will come to admire how involved your mom was in everything you did as a child. You will see the sacrifice and immense amount of love behind it. The time you spend with your mom as a child will shape the close relationship you have with her in the future. She'll be one of your best friends and will bail you out more times than you can imagine. So strap your sweet ass in that Chrysler Town & Country with your friends on the way to the pumpkin patch. You'll be doing the same before you know it. 

3. In high school, you're going to have to do a "where will you be in 10 years" prediction for the year book. Your response will be something along the lines of "married to a farmer, living in the country in a white picket fence house with lots of kids running around in the yard." ****spoiler alert**** You got it, girl. Now, if I may, I'll ask that you clarify that wish a bit. Might I suggest something more along these lines: "I'll be married to an independently wealthy farmer, in a ranch style home in a warm climate, with lots of kids (mix of girls and boys of course, all of who will be singletons) running around the yard, with unlimited time to craft and bake." Sounds lame now, but believe me, THATS the life. 

4. A few more things that don't need explaining:
- Wear your retainer. Don't try on your friends retainer- that's how you get strep. 
- Buy a diffuser for your hair dryer in the 8th grade. Your hair is curly.
- Moving to Colorado will be scary and you'll fight with your mom about going. Do it anyways. 
- Don't wear overall. Like, ever. 

The best is yet to come, my dear. Youre in for a real treat. 

Kaity (Not Katie. Like the rest of the world.)

Wednesday, January 1, 2014


2013. Definitely one for the books; Forever to be known as the year of exhaustion. We rung in the new year with good friends, sleeping babies, a wide awake toddler, wine, whiskey and a highly inappropriate game of Cards Against Humanity. It was the perfect end to a year filled with much joy and little sleep. 

Here it is, January 1st and my mind is racing with all the things I'll do different this year. Never mind the fact that we had chocolate chip muffins for breakfast, I'm still in my pajamas, there are toys scattered everywhere, and the TV has already warned me that it's been on over 4 hours. In my mind, this is the year I'll get my life together. (stop laughing you bitches.) 

I'm not one for resolutions. We'll, I'm more specifically not one for keeping resolutions. I love the idea of getting skinny, of being the most patient of all mothers, of making a point to do something nice for my husband every day, of keeping my house organized and my laundry under wraps. Then reality comes along saying "Hey you-hoo... you have 3 boys under 3. Get your head out of the clouds and go mop up that pee all over the bathroom floor!" So, today I have one resolution- accept the reality of life and find happiness exactly where I am. I spent too much of 2013 questioning where I should have been accepting. Too much time trying to evaluate and understand rather than listen and enjoy. I'm a "fixer" by nature. An over-analyzer, if you will. This year I resolve to stop trying to change things. 

Last week I got a daily devotional app on my phone. The first day, this was the scripture of the day...

The detailed explanation of this verse really hit home. It reminded me to trust in His plan and not question. It reminded me that there is a reason that I am where I am and that I need to embrace and pursue the opportunities that have been placed in front of me rather than try to analyze and understand them. There is absolutely nothing in this world that is harder for me to do than to let go of the "control" and hand everything over. During this season of life, I have been given the task of service to my family. So without questioning, I pledge to wholeheartedly commit to all that this entails and trust that God will guide me through. 

Now, of course I secretly hope that God will lead me to hating sweets, having unlimited amounts of energy, and to a huge stack of cash. And of course I not so secretly hope he'll lead my kids to sleeping through the night and my dog to miraculously stop shedding and for California to suddenly be a two hour drive away. I mean, a girl can hope, right? 

So far (14 hours into 2014) He hasn't led me to a hatred of sweets. Quite the contrary actually. Maybe fattening me up is part of His plan? That's what I'll tell myself as I eat one of these... 

Shall I share the recipe so I'm not the only fat kid out there? I think so. 

Chocolate Cupcakes with Peanut Butter Frosting


3 c flour
2 c sugar
4 T cocoa powder (heaping)
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp salt
2 large eggs
1 c oil
2 c hot water 

Preheat oven to 350. Mix dry ingredients in one bowl and wet ingredients in another. Add wet to dry and mix thoroughly. Pour into lined muffin tins. Bake for 15-20 minutes until tops look dry. Cool before frosting. 

1 c butter, softened
1 c peanut butter
1/4 c milk (roughly) 
1 tsp vanilla 
3-4 c powdered sugar

Beat the butter and peanut butter until light and fluffy, about two minutes. Add the milk and vanilla and mix until incorporated. With mixer on, slowly add in powdered sugar until desired thickness is reached. At that point, beat on high for three minutes for fluffy, cloud like frosting. Dump frosting in a large ziplock, cut off the corner and generously pipe frosting onto cupcakes. Top with a peanut butter cup, mini chocolate chips or nothing at all! 
Makes 24 cupcakes. 

Here's to a year filled with laughter, love, rest, acceptance and muffin tops, er...cupcakes. Cheers! 

Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Mommy Guilt

I've reached a new low with the never ending Mommy Guilt. If you're a mom, you know what I'm talking about. The constant nagging in the back of your mind. It tells you that you should be feeding your kids more healthy. It tells you that you should keep a clean home so your kids learn to respect their things. It tells you that you should work out so your kids see how to keep fit but not too much because you don't want them to be too focused on appearance. It tells you that you should be doing more structured activities and less screen time. It tells you that you shouldn't work as much so you can be home with your kids. It tells you that you should get your kids the best Christmas gifts out there. It tells you that you should provide them with experiences instead of gifts. The Mommy Guilt is daunting and never ending. Part of me says it's a good thing because it means that we're constantly challenging ourselves to be better at this crazy job of ours. But when I'm not trying to make excuses for my crazy antics, it comes down to this- the Mommy Guilt has got to stop. 

The other night, Andy got home just in time for dinner. We had a lovely (reads: rushed, loud, messy) family dinner, threw the boys in the bath, then sat down to hang out in the living room. I hadn't showered in an obscene number of days. So while Andy played with the boys, I jumped in the shower. Instead of enjoying my warm and cozy shower, my mind was flooded with guilt. I felt guilty that Andy worked a full day and then had to come home and wrestle with crabby kids. I felt guilty that I wasn't out in the living room spending time with my husband. I felt guilty that the shower was dirty- I'd been meaning to clean the bathroom for days. Non. Stop. Guilt. It was at that moment, the low, where I felt guilty for taking a mother loving shower, that I realized something had to change. 

I've decided I'm holding myself to an unreachable standard. Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, etc... lend me to believe that all my fellow mom friends are perfect. They are happy all the time, they fix delicious meals, have a fabulous marriage, their kids are well behaved, their house is spotless, and they shit rainbows. I think a lot of the guilt I feel comes from comparison. I know this is something I've addressed before, but it's time to be a little more honest about motherhood here. Let's all just confess that NO ONE completes more than 1% of the stuff they pin on Pinterest. So while I'd like to think I'm going to use cookie cutters to make snowmen pizzas on Christmas Eve, I'm not. And neither is the person who I re-pinned it from. And while we're at it, let's just confess that we aren't always patient with our kids. There are days that it takes everything in us to not drop them off on the side of the road when they're screaming in the back seat. It's okay to not be a perfect mom and it's even more okay to not feel guilty about your imperfection. 

In a couple days, Jack and Davis will be 9 months old. Which means it's been 18 months since we found out I was pregnant. Where is the time going?? Rather than sitting here and focusing on all of the things that HAVEN'T happened in the last 9 months, I'm going to focus on the things that have. Enjoy my GUILT FREE brag on my sweet boys... 

Davis: Bruiser, Little D, Beaver, Davey. 

ALL BOY. He has earned the name Bruiser by his endless supply of bruises, his constant grunting, and his general "bull in a china shop" disposition. He is going to keep my on my toes (and on my way to the ER)  for quite some time. He has four teeth- two top and two bottom. His little grin, when paired with his sweet nose scrunch, causes him to look like a little beaver. The Beave, if you will. He's fearless. Climbs on everything, falls off everything. Eats anything and lots of it (just found him with a Cutie that was half eaten, skin and all.) Covers himself from head to toe in whatever he's eating. Crawls at lightening speed and cruises on the furniture. Has had two black eyes, a head wound, been to the ER twice and is busting out of his size 4 shoes. He's loud and whiney but snugly and sweet. Loves him some Daddy and Carson but really is a Momma's boy. Just the way I like 'em. 

Jack: Jacky, Jack Jack, Jacker Cracker, Jackeroni and Cheese (all you moms who are fortunate enough to watch Bubble Guppies as often as me, just said "Jackeroni and Cheese?? That's silly!" 

Our little blue eyed cutie. A little more cautious than his wild brothers. I spend most of my day saving Jacky from awkward situations he's gotten himself into- stuck under a dining room chair, standing up against a wall with no knowledge of how to sit down, etc... Melts my heart by saying "Mama, Mama, Mama." Smiles at anyone and anything. Loves the water! Happily and quietly plays cars on the floor while his brothers ram rod around him. Grins from ear to ear and flaps his arms when Daddy walks through the door. Not even close to sleeping through the night (neither are his brothers!) Very dainty and clean eater with two bottom teeth. Has a sparkle in his eye that makes me nervous for his teen years... 

Carson: Carse, Bub, Carsey, Doodle Bug

Voluntarily poses for photos. Favors nudity. Says "got for" rather than forgot (usually along the lines of "Mommy! You got for Jacky!") Pees all over the bathroom. Knows the make and model of every truck and tractor in this house. Says "Aldigator" and "Marshmellios." Loves peanut butter, touching his brothers, and staying up all night then taking four hour naps. Worships his pacifier. Loves time with just Mommy. Is 2 3/4 years old and wears a size 4T, size 10 shoe and talks as much as a 4 year old. Growing up and changing by the day, our sweet little boy is a baby no more. 

In this season of life, I'm challenging myself to let go of the guilt and soak up the present. To be happy with myself as a mother, wife and woman. To be honest about the trials of this journey. And to surround myself with others who are choosing to do the same.